KIDS JOKES

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!

What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
"Is that you mommy?"

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll

What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
ME!!!

Where do snowmen keep their money?
In snow banks.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog.

Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing!

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine!

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!

Where do bees go to the bathroom?
At the BP station!

What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
Odor in the court.

What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing, it just waved.

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Dam!

Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.

What has four legs but can't walk?
A table!

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station!

What did the ground say to the earthquake?
You crack me up!

What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers!

Why did the elephant eat the candle?
He wanted a light snack!

Why is the letter "G" scary?
It turns a host into a ghost

What has  4 eyes but no face?
Mississippi!

What did the spider do on the computer?
Made a website!

What letters are not in the alphabet?
The ones in the mail, of course!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 789!

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.

How do you know carrots are good for your  eyes?
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little horse

What do you call cheese that is not yours?
Nacho Cheese

Why did the sheep say "moo"?
It was learning a new language!

What streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends!

What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
The Space bar!

What exam do young witches have to pass?
A spell-ing test!

Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor!

What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course!

What bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you'll rise and shine!

What does a teddy bear put in his house?
Fur-niture!

What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Spring time.

What happens to cows during an earthquake?
They give milk shakes!

Why did the jelly wobble?
Because it saw the milk shake!

What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?
Betty!

Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo York

Where did the computer go to dance?
To a disc-o.

What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?
Russel

What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A Bed

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He was a chicken.

What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".

Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
To get a tweetment.

What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A Clausterphobic

Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?
Because his friend said its on me.

Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head!

What do you call a cow eating grass in a paddock?
A lawn mooer

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no-body to go with.

What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves!

What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole!

What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
The road!

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming!

Why did Tony go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date!

What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff!

What did Pooh say to his agent?
Show me the honey!

Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!

Why did the traffic light turn red?
You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street! 

What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I'm coming down with something!

What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!

What breaks when you say it?
Silence!

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!

What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!

What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
Post Office!

What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don't worry, I've got you covered!

Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains!

How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One! After that its not empty!

What kind of button won't unbutton?
A bellybutton!

What did the penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.

Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop.

Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.

What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.

Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
So he could have sweet dreams.

Why did the robber take a bath?
Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Bare-foot.

What can you serve but never eat?
A volleyball.

What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert?
No thank you, I am stuffed.

What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Sneakers.

What did one wall say to the other wall?
I'll meet you at the corner.

Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.

Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
They both depend on the batter.

What did the alien say to the garden?
Take me to your weeder.

Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.

How do baseball players stay cool?
Sit next to their fans.

What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.

What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A refrigerator.